Old Grievances

A friend just told me a story that made me realize, once again, how an emotional hurt can become central to your identity and paralyze you. John was in elementary school, they separated the boys into two groups—those who would be in the choir and those that were “squawkers.” John thought he had a good voice and was angry that he was labelled a “squawker,” but he never sang again.

He played guitar as a hobby, but never sang. He insisted he was just a “squawker,” until he was retired and started playing guitar with a friend who sang. His friend encouraged him to sing along—and John discovered he was not a “squawker.” Indeed, John and his friend played and sang together and started playing gigs in bars and clubs. 

John’s story made me think more about holding on to old grievances. CLICK HERE or the image above to read more about it on thirdAge.

Repeating Patterns That Do Not Work

I just played tennis with a man who stands too close to the net and I kept lobbing him and he would curse each time. It made me think of the quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” We have all heard that quote at one time or another, but it’s not clear who said it. Anyway, it’s wrong. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of a repetition compulsion and it’s much more common than insanity. But it does cause us a lot of grief—more in life than in tennis. 

For more discussion of this problem you might want to check out my article on thirdAge by CLICKING HERE or the image above.

Adult Siblings Over A Lifetime

Most people talk about their parents in therapy and eventually understand their importance in shaping their current views of the world and of themselves. But many people don’t understand the importance of their siblings. In most cases the developmental impact of siblings is not as weighty as the impact of parents, but in many cases siblings are just as important: the older brother who was the center of the universe, while you were simply one of a million stars; the younger sister who was “the smart one” while you were “the cute one.” Our position in our family constellation has a lifelong impact—usually an unconscious one.

I’ve done a lot of thinking about sibling relationships because I have a sister and a brother. I wrote an article about another aspect of sibling relationships for thirdage.com.

If you would like to read more of my thoughts on this please CLICK HERE or the image above.