Six Rules for Fighting Fair

It’s a major step for both partners to realize that "fighting fair" is an important part of building a strong, resilient relationship. Finding a way to resolve disagreements and mend hurt feelings builds intimacy and trust.

Problems with Intimacy

Maintaining an intimate connection can be difficult when work or life events are overwhelming. But people with insecure early attachments find it even more difficult to provide comfort or give and take when they are stressed.

Trying to Save Your Mother

Having a sick mother can have important repercussions for a child’s sense of safety as well as her sense of responsibility and guilt. In some cases the child’s  raison d’etre becomes saving her mother.

Googling your therapist

For psychoanalytic treatment, fantasies about the therapist offer the patient an opportunity to explore his/her unconscious through the transference. Google makes it difficult to parse what part of the patient’s view of the therapist is based on transference from early relationships and what part is Google.

Mixed Packages--coping with the good and the bad

In the end, we have to accept the mixture of good and bad in ourselves in order to see it in other people. Those we love have weaknesses and frailties that frustrate and disappoint us; and those we idealize and envy have weaknesses and frailties that we may not know about. So simple and yet so difficult. The fantasy that we can be perfect and/or that we can find someone to love us who is perfect dies hard. It’s a struggle.

Coping with Loved Ones' Adult Temper Tantrums

Adult temper tantrums are difficult to deal with. Whether you are responding to a spouse, sibling or adult child, you need to develop a strategy that sets limits and keeps you safe.

Fear of Regret as Resistance to Change

In order to change, we also have to tolerate regret and forgive ourselves for having behaved in a self-destructive or destructive way for a long time.

Psychoanalytic Interpretation and Metaphor

The essence of psychoanalysis is that the present is understood in terms of the past. And the way the analyst interprets what is being repeated in the present, is by making reference to the past often using metaphors and similes as interpretive tools.

PT Metapho.jpg

Renovation anxiety

Many underlying problems in relationships come to the surface during an apartment or home renovation. They can be worked through more easily if they are understood in psychological terms rather than the concrete issues. 

Attachment styles

Attachment theory is a body of research that began in the early 1950’s with the work of John Bowlby. He asserted that children suffering maternal separation are at increased risk for physical and mental illness, even if they have been in a clean, well-run institution unless it provided a true maternal substitute.

Thoughts about sublimation

Sometimes I am less attuned to the purely aesthetic dimensions of a film or book than the psychological dimensions. How did the author's life affect her novel? Or what does the repetitive themes in this artist's paintings reflect about his inner life? If you want to read more CLICK HERE.


The schizoid-depressive dance

The dynamic in a schizoid/depressive couple is that one partner is desperate for connection and afraid of being abandoned. The other partner experiences demands for connection as intrusive and demanding. FOR MORE DISCUSSION CLICK HERE.

Migrants and Separation

President Trump instituted a policy of separating parents and children at the Mexican border without regard to the lasting effects it would have on the families—particularly the children. When the reunions finally happened, many mothers were met with rejection. As heartbreaking as this is, it is not surprising. The reality is that the child has been traumatized and his/her secure attachment to the parent has been undone. What was once a secure attachment has been transformed into an insecure one. The child who seems to be ignoring his mother has developed an avoidant mode of attachment as an adaptation to the stress of not being able to understand being abandoned by his mother. The child cannot distinguish the reasons why his mother left him; he only knows she deserted him. To read the complete article below, CLICK HERE.


Idealization is a defense mechanism which is usually discussed as part of "splitting." The world is split into good and bad with no place for reality in-between. Many patients split the world into good and bad and apply this to themselves as well. This makes it very difficult for them to tolerate their own problems and mistakes in judgment which increases their resistance to my interpretations and the likelihood of repeating the same dynamic that brought them into therapy. This is one of the reasons therapy takes time.


Acting Instead of Speaking

Slamming the door once might mean you were holding coffee and a briefcase and couldn’t grab the door handle. But letting the door slam regularly indicates that it has some psychological meaning. Understanding nonverbal behavior is a fruitful way of understanding the unconscious. 

To read the entire article CLICK HERE.