How can you improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law?
Pointing out President Trump’s lies has become a national pastime. and made me think about adults who lie persistently. What motivates them? What price do they pay for their pattern of lying? For more on this subject, click on the picture.
During this time when we are quarantined or semi-quarantined because of the pandemic, we are seeing less of friends, colleagues and relatives. This means there is greater opportunity for intimacy as well as annoyance and hurt feelings. Inevitably, in such close quarters, each of us is going to act selfishly or thoughtlessly at times. The question is: Will these small blips turn into skirmishes or full-fledged battles?
Your Daily Sleep Guide
This morning-to-evening, sleep-promoting schedule may help you sleep better.
Morning
7:00 a.m.
Wake up at the same time each morning, even on weekends.
8:00 a.m.
Limit yourself to just one cup of caffeinated coffee at breakfast, or drink decaf. Too much caffeine in the morning can stay with you until bedtime. (If you're used to drinking several cups of coffee a day, wean yourself off it gradually over a few weeks.)
9:00 a.m.
Get outside for a 30-minute walk. Both exercise and morning sunlight can help you sleep better.
Evening
6:00- 7:00 p.m.
Eat a light dinner. A heavy meal can lead to heartburn, which can keep you awake. Avoid caffeinated tea, coffee, and soda, as well as alcohol and chocolate.
9:15 p.m.
Turn off your TV, computer, cell phone, and tablet at least 30 minutes before bed. They stimulate the brain. Read a book (not on a tablet), take a warm bath, or listen to soft music to help your body and mind unwind before bed.
9:45 p.m.
Get your bedroom ready for sleep. Dim the lights, close the curtains, make sure the temperature is cool and comfortable, and cover your alarm clock so you can't see the time if you do wake up in the middle of the night.
10: 45 p.m.
Use the bathroom.
11 p.m.
Lights out. Try to go to bed at the same time every night. If you can't fall asleep in 15 minutes, leave the bedroom. Sit somewhere quiet, like the couch, and read a book for 15-20 minutes or until you get sleepy. Then go back to bed.
People with anxiety disorders engage in “safety behaviors” in order to ward off anxiety attacks. For example, a person with an anxiety disorder may wash hands every half hour or check if the gas is off several times before leaving the house. During the pandemic we are now experiencing, many people with anxiety disorders are hoarding months worth of toilet paper and Purell; washing their groceries three times before putting them in the refrigerator; sanitizing their doorknobs every hour although no one has entered or left the house; and washing their floors daily. And if they do not get the virus, they will credit their safety behavior for the non-catastrophic outcome. Hence, their safety behaviors and magical thinking will remain intact or be reinforced. Being prudent and using “safety behaviors” are not the same, but during a crisis like the pandemic, they may look the same.
These are anxious times for all of us and for those with chronic anxiety and/or depression issues, it is an even more trying time. During this crisis I will be available by phone. If you would like to make an appointment please email me through the “Contact me” page and I will respond as quickly as possible.
Women are subject to BS their whole lives and it probably has a lot to do with their underrepresentation in high-paying STEM careers and their overrepresentation in the lowest paying specialties of law and medicine.
Faith Consolo is an extreme example of D.W. Winnicott’s concept of the “False Self.” Winnicott says that in health, our public self is a False Self. All the polite and mannered social behaviors we display hide and protect the True Self which is known to close friends and family. In a more extreme form, the False Self defends against the True Self which may not be fully known by anyone else. The purpose is to preserve the individual in spite of abnormal environmental conditions.
The analyst must maintain boundaries in the treatment in order to protect the treatment, but patients often try to break them and feel rejected when the the analyst says, “No.”
It’s a major step for both partners to realize that "fighting fair" is an important part of building a strong, resilient relationship. Finding a way to resolve disagreements and mend hurt feelings builds intimacy and trust.
Maintaining an intimate connection can be difficult when work or life events are overwhelming. But people with insecure early attachments find it even more difficult to provide comfort or give and take when they are stressed.
Memoir writing can help transform pain and anguish into something integrated and beautiful.
Having a sick mother can have important repercussions for a child’s sense of safety as well as her sense of responsibility and guilt. In some cases the child’s raison d’etre becomes saving her mother.
For psychoanalytic treatment, fantasies about the therapist offer the patient an opportunity to explore his/her unconscious through the transference. Google makes it difficult to parse what part of the patient’s view of the therapist is based on transference from early relationships and what part is Google.
In the end, we have to accept the mixture of good and bad in ourselves in order to see it in other people. Those we love have weaknesses and frailties that frustrate and disappoint us; and those we idealize and envy have weaknesses and frailties that we may not know about. So simple and yet so difficult. The fantasy that we can be perfect and/or that we can find someone to love us who is perfect dies hard. It’s a struggle.
Adult temper tantrums are difficult to deal with. Whether you are responding to a spouse, sibling or adult child, you need to develop a strategy that sets limits and keeps you safe.
In order to change, we also have to tolerate regret and forgive ourselves for having behaved in a self-destructive or destructive way for a long time.
Adult temper tantrums are usually self-destructive, but when the President of the United States has them every time someone says “no” to him, we are all in danger.
